from the book" The Enchantment of Opposites
The pleasure of feeling our partner can reverberate in us, as he or she is celebrating the joy of receiving our undivided attention.
How quickly two become one when we touch.
Too often, however, touch is often done as part of a goal: Get her in the mood; calm him down; hang on in a crowded store. It is something that can also be done for its own sake.
People can learn to touch one another in a non-goal-oriented way. Touch has the power to reach deep inside of us, bypass our logical brains, and go straight into our deepest feelings. Because we are so logical most of the time, it is balancing to spend some time connected in a kinesthetic space.
When done for its own sake, touch can be a powerful tool for establishing oneness in the place of twoness.
The Taking Touch
A special kind of touch is called the taking touch. It is created as simply as putting all of one's attention on one's partner and touching him or her, always in a place that the partner would enjoy. The toucher should enjoy doing the touching as much as if he or she were touching velvet. Very little motion is needed.
This touch is always unconditional. Both the receiver and giver surrender, or melt into the touch. No other response is necessary. The taking touch is done for its own sake, not as a stepping stone to something else.
Many times, life events are such that words can only partially reach the parts of us that yearn to be reached. Taking touches are a way of making that connection.
We encourage couples to develop the habit of using the taking touch with their partners often. It can be brief lasting thirty seconds or a minute. In good times and in challenging times, the touch says, "All of me is here for you," in a way that only touch can express.
Good times to use the taking touch include:
- When you rejoin after being apart.
- Before, during and after a serious discussion (to remind yourselves that you are on the same side, no matter what is said).
- When you are feeling emotional (happy, sad, excited, nervous, and so on).
These are all times to let your partner know, "I'm with you."
In an effective taking touch, both parties, the giver and the receiver, surrender into the pure wonder of being connected together in that special moment, beyond all other obligations or worldly concerns. As both partners touch consciously,
The two enter the space of one,
and even the one merges
into a higher sense of oneness.
Practicing the Taking Touch
Identify Partners A and B. We usually suggest that Partner A is the man.
A, place your hand firmly and yet with not too much pressure, over the heart area (or other requested area) of B. Leave your hand there for three to ten minutes. Become one with Partner B.
Feel everything he or she is feeling. Feel how good this person feels. Let the point of contact feel like your two bodies are melting together With enough attention on him/her and off yourself you may find that you are even reading their thoughts and feelings accurately.
After the time is up, switch roles.
How did it feel receiving and giving so much attention? How many of the other person \ thoughts and feelings were you able to connect with ?
Many people who do this exercise are amazed at how such a truly deep connection can be made quickly and effortlessly with this technique. Others find this exercise challenging, as they have never done anything like it.
This exercise can be more challenging than it looks. People will find that many emotions surface. Is the partner touching at the right pressure? Paying attention? Letting the other one in totally? Feeling everything they could be? If you anticipate these issues arising, it will help you persist. Just do the exercise regularly until the two of you are having a truly deep, connected experience. Remember to communicate after each exercise about your experience.
Regardless of where they start, people tell us they return again and again to this pure, sweet connection.