A: This is a bit tricky. As a therapist and counselor for many years, I recognize that I don't have all the information and evidence here. What I have is your interpretation of his experience, which may or may not be accurate. Without talking to him I can only speculate. It's natural for men (in general) to love to give, to do for, to get pleasure from giving pleasure. A healthy man will orient this way at least some of the time.

Don't expect him to orgasm on the dance floor, but it's a fabulous thing for a guy to get turned on and erect just from looking at his beloved! The new frontier is for men to learn to enjoy receiving as much as giving, and to give ample attention to their own levels of enjoyment during lovemaking. I suggest that the two of you watch the DVD Ancient Secrets of Sexual Ecstasy several times and, as you do, in an understated way point out to him how one of the men is really receiving and enjoying being pleasured. Then offer to practice something from the DVD where the man simply receives. He may need role models, as well as some training in order to open up to the next level of ecstasy.

Another idea: offer him something he wouldn't think of. Possibly a Tantric Pleasuring Night! You would set the date up and treat him (I'm sure you'll get some of the treat too) to a whole array of lavish attention. See the Articles Section for some ideas. Maybe the Valentine Recipe would help you.

Be patient, inviting, and unattached to the results. Remember, if you catch yourself worrying that he has a problem and needs to change, then you have a problem! Drop the worry! Send him love, turn your attention to counting your blessings, and give to him from gratitude.