A: The desire to delay ejaculation may not be the same as preventing premature ejaculation. Many men are aware of some of the benefits of lasting longer, yet they aren't able to do so consistently. Tantra can greatly help a man who can sustain intercourse for 20 minutes, but wants to extend to 1 or 2 hours of lovemaking.
Premature ejaculation can be a complex issue. Generally it is recommended that the man go through a process of elimination in considering possible causes. First eliminate any significant physical causes, especially if you also have an inability to maintain erections. This will require seeing a doctor for an appropriate examination. Secondly, consider the state of your health: are you out of shape? Is your circulatory system in poor condition? Have you been under sustained chronic stress and is your nervous system strained? If so, (circulation or nerves) the genital system may not be able to handle the energetic charge of sexual excitement. Remember also that there are muscles involved in addition to nerves carrying more charge and the capillary beds of the penis being engorged with blood. Muscles require exercise to stay in shape for lasting awhile.
Next, consider psychological issues: the most common cause of premature ejaculation. Do you worry about your sexual performance? Are you feeling insecure or inadequate about yourself as a man in sex, as well as other important areas of your life? Or (the next most common issue): Are you uptight? Are you secretly harboring resentments and grievances about your lover? Question yourself deeply to make certain that you aren't keeping such feelings secret from yourself as well! Are you sitting on a powder keg of anger about other injustices in your life, and are you trying hard not to be angry? Repressed feelings can significantly contribute to premature ejaculation or even more likely to no erections. Do you hold your breath before, leading up to, and during lovemaking? Is your body tight, especially neck, jaw, shoulders, and pelvis? Are you tense? If you have psychological and somatic issues such as these, definitely get competent counseling or therapy. I also recommend Reichian, Bioenergetics, or Rebirthing breathwork sessions in addition to counseling.
Learn and practice the "Orgasm Reflex" breathing or the "Firebreath Orgasm." Practice gently yet firmly squeezing the (Kegel) muscles between your anus and genitals. Learn to Tantrically pleasure yourself instead of masturbating. Learn to bring the energy and excitement up and away from your erection as you near the "point of no return." Then learn to circulate that energy and contain it in your heart chakra and 3rd eye. Focus on the inner energy experience instead of photos in magazines or fantasies, etc. It may be challenging at first as you make this shift. Practice on yourself in a loving, focused, sacred way. Pleasure yourself and learn to partner with your excitement and aroused energy. Train yourself to do this before you attempt it with a partner. Here also educational material is helpful. (Such as the books Sexual Energy Ecstasy and The Art of Sexual Ecstasy and the DVDs Ancient Secrets of Sexual Ecstasy and The Art of Orgasm). Tantric workshops, particularly the ones offered in Northern California, where this work has been pioneered and long taught, can be even more helpful.
Sometimes the female partner can be contributing to premature ejaculation by the way her own energy moves or doesn't. She can help him by slowing down, relaxing, and circulating her energy, while encouraging him to also slow down, relax, and breathe deeply and slowly. Together they can practice moving the energy up through the chakras. Several of the videos and books can be helpful with this (see above). If she is harboring resentments or critical judgments, that too can be an important influence and must be dealt with in a professional way to create healing and a space for unconditional love.
Finally, learn Tantra!! Learn the energy circulation methods of classical Tantra and Taoism and practice, practice, practice!! Train yourself to be skillful at moving that energetic charge away from the genitals and learn to extend the excitement throughout the body and mind. Learn to use that energy to raise your vibration and move into altered, expanded states of loving consciousness.
