The method I am going to share with you is not from the ancient teachings on sexuality, but rather from the modern schools of sexuality that focus on pleasure and connection in love making. These schools emphasize, and I agree wholeheartedly, the importance of good communication. When you want to change positions or request that your partner touch, stroke, kiss, in a different way, begin by focusing on what feels good about what they are doing: "I love the way your fingers feel on me." A positive statement lets your partner, who can't read your mind, know what they are doing that is pleasurable. It also keeps your attention focused on what feels good to you. When you focus on a specific sensation it expands.

Next, ask your partner to adjust what they are doing: "I love the way your fingers feel on me and would you use your nails lightly too." Once your partner does what you've requested give them positive feedback by saying: "Yes. That feels great!" Or, if words elude you, sounds like mmmms, ohhhs and ahhhs give voice to an emphatic "YES!" and let your lover know they have hit a pleasure spot.

When the new touch isn't as wonderful as you wished, focus on what about it feels good or you can ask for another adjustment: "This feels good and I think a little lighter pressure with your nails would feel even better." The importance of communication in lovemaking is not new. The ancient schools of sexuality emphasize the importance of reading a lover's signals. Sounds, changes in body language and the flushes of color in genitals, breasts, and faces give you information about your arousal.