Yoni is a Sanskrit word for the combined vulva and vagina that is loosely translated as ‘Sacred Space’ or ‘Sacred Temple’. Sanskrit is the ancient sacred language from India used for the sciences and other sacred texts. Its meaning and use shows an honoring of the female genitalia and is an alternate perspective from the Western view. It is especially helpful for men to learn that the Tantric perspective of respect and regard toward the female figure, sexual anatomy, self and soul are embodied by the concept of the Yoni. The same respect is also shown for the male’s genitals called the Lingam in Sanskrit which when loosely translated is taken to mean ‘Thunder Bolt’ or ‘Wand of Light’.
The purpose of the Tantra Yoni massage is to create a space for the woman to receive focused attention so that she can attain long, delicious states of relaxation and achieve high states of sustained arousal. This allows her to recognize and experience her mind and body during deep pleasure derived from her Yoni. Her partner, the giver, will experience the joy of being of service and witnessing the profound pleasure potential a woman is capable of.
Tantra Yoni massage builds trust and intimacy and it is important for the giver to remember this aspect. Soft, attentive communication is paramount to its success as emotional issues from past trauma are likely to arise during any session, especially at first. Various forms of Yoni Massage can be used to assist women to release sexual blocks, past trauma and pain so that the woman can move forward towards a fuller expression of her sexual nature.
The goal of Yoni massage is not orgasm though that can be one of the many pleasurable outcomes of the massage. If there is a goal, other than deep, focused pleasure, it is to allow the opening of the recognition of how deep our pleasure can evolve. What is the capacity to ‘hang-out’ in expanded pleasure? This is something that takes time to cultivate. It is our suggestion that you plan on trying this practice several times over the course of say a month or two to see how it can shift, change and transform into your own design for increasing your pleasure quotient.
There is no need to worry about achieving something because the lesson is in ‘being’ present with what is real in the moment. Bringing in the practices of conscious breathing, heart expansion, moving the sexual energy built to all areas of the body, including the brain, and maintaining eye contact for most of the massage are essential things to practice while receiving and giving. If orgasm does occur it is usually more intense and will set a new ‘bar’ on the capacity of the woman to understand her own response cycle. With the ever-expanding cultural demands on new heights of potential sexual ecstasy it is not in the best interest of the receiver to have un-do expectations put upon her. Just focus on her, have fun and make it ‘sacred’ in ways that fit your own sense of the oneness.
It is best for the giver to not expect anything in return. You can agree ahead of time that each of you will get your turn but these turns should preferably be on separate occasions to receive the full intention and gift of the massage. There are incredible gifts to giving and being of service to another. The giver will receive profound rewards in the giving and when their turn comes they will be able to receive the attention and gift even better because of the giving. There is always the possibility that the receiver will want to engage in other sexual activities after the massage but let that be the receiver’s choice.
Setting the Scene
Tantric practices use set and setting to create a ceremonial-like ambiance to hold a sacred space container. Tantra Yoni massage can be considered a ritual of sorts so placing candles in places that will enhance the atmosphere and choosing music that is in accordance with the nature of the woman is very important. We each have a musical taste that allows us to merge with the universal spirit and the giver’s choice might not be the receiver’s choice so please check-in about this. Musical accord will allow for the flowering of expansiveness. Privacy and quiet are particularly important, especially for women. If you can, make sure you have the house to yourselves. Have pillows, lubricant, safe sex supplies (if needed), water, even small pieces of cut fruit close by so you won’t have to get up and leave during the massage.
Bathing and Personal Preparation
A bath always relaxes the body and the senses. Go to the bathroom first so that this won’t be on your mind during the massage. You may have to go again later, which is fine, but do take care of this before you bath and lie down. You’ll both want to be clean so treat the bath as a beginning part of the ritual if you can. Bathing each other will begin the expression of the neuro-chemicals that cause bonding and connection. It will help set eh stage for a great experience. Help dry your partner and assist them to the bed or area where the massage is to take place.
Beginning the Massage
Sit across from each other on the surface of the bed, in a comfortable position and begin softly breathing together. Eye gaze as if you are letting your partner see into your soul. There is nothing to do here. Breathe, gaze, connect – stay present with your partner. This practice sets a rhythm and entrains both brains to move into synchronistic communication. It builds trust and it builds excitement. Placing the right hand (giving hand) over the heart center of your partner and then putting your left hand (receiving hand) over their hand on your heart helps connect the two of you further. You can feel the other’s heartbeat and breathing.
More advanced practice would include circular breathing – one breathes in while the other breathes our. As one person’s breath goes ‘out’ the other receives it on their ‘in’ breath. This helps set the mind and body for giving and receiving.
Lie the woman down with pillows under her knees to support her open thighs. She should be able to relax and not have to support her own legs. A small pillow under her hips and a towel will help with angle and any wetness that is bound to occur. Women worry. They worry about small thing and big things. Take away worry and they can focus on pleasure. It’s that simple. It’s easier to wash a towel than change the sheets so act accordingly!
Try a pillow under her head if you must but trying this without a pillow is better. This is because a pillow impinges on the movement of the head, and hence the body, when a person is in ecstasy. Free flowing movement of the body can’t occur when the head is ‘blocked’. She may want to see what is happening to her but it may be a better strategy to have her focus on feeling rather than seeing. Our eyesight is the strongest sense we have and it can over-ride other senses like touch sensations. Seeing the ‘action’ engages the mind more and the mind is what we are trying to bypass – judgment, worry, performance, analyzing – all these get in the way of feeling.
As the giver, situate yourself between her legs, directly in front of her body, or to her side with one of her legs over your lap. If you are right handed then you would sit to her left, as you face her, with her right leg over your lap. This is to facilitate a direct angle to her Yoni from your wrist and hand. You’ll understand when you start. Make sure as the giver that you are supremely comfortable whichever position you decide on. You can shift later but you want to remain a ‘rock’ for her to anchor to so get comfy and let her get comfy too.
Place your hands gently on her body – maybe one on her heart and one on her Yoni. Rest them there as you begin to breathe together. Take slow, deep breathes into the belly. As the giver you will want to remind yourself and her to breathe this way often. At this point the giver is doing the talking, the reminding, the guiding. Deep breathing will enhance the experience for both of you by helping spread the energy and ground the experience.
Both men and women can stop breathing or breathe very shallow breaths when approaching the later steps in arousal. It is vastly important to keep breathing to facilitate receiving more pleasure. If the receiver focuses on the breath, as in meditation, it keeps the mind from thinking and thus interfering with the pleasure cycle. It also supplies needed oxygen and NO ( Nitric Oxide) to the blood stream and genitals.
Begin to gently touch and lightly massage the body core, the inner thighs, the breasts and the sides of the torso. Keep this touch light as you are not entering into a deep tissue massage model right now. You are creating sensuality. You are building trust and erotic turn-on. Remind the receiver to relax, breathe and take in the touch.
Without turning your attention away form the receiver, keep one hand over their Yoni and with the other get the lubricant you have nearby and pour some onto the your own hand that is placed over the Yoni. This is to keep the oil or lubricant from catching the receiver off guard due to coldness. If you have a way to gently heat the oil or lube this is always preferable but if you don’t just make sure it goes onto your hand first and then gently drips onto the Yoni. (Remember, if you are wearing latex gloves the latex doesn’t mix with oil so use a product that is non-oily.)
Tell the receiver that you are starting and begin gently massaging the mound and outer lips of the Yoni. Spend some time here and don’t rush. Relax. Gently take the outer lips between the thumb and index finger and slide up and down the entire length of each lip as you gently pull, massage and stretch the tissue. You can do this with one hand or both hands on either side of the Yoni. It feels very good and has a kind of balancing effect to have this done with both hands simultaneously.
Spend plenty of time here. Both the outer and inner lips of the Yoni have many nerve endings and most women have never had much attention given to this area. You are giving them a gift! As they become more aroused you can even use more pressure as you pull and kneed and slide your fingers up and down this rich, erotic area. Breathe.
Maintaining eye contact is vitally important for communication and trust building. As the giver you’ll need to focus and look at what you are doing but as often as possible look up as you keep stroking and let her know you are there. It’s risky business to look into someone’s eyes as you are feeling pleasure but it is one of the most groundbreaking things you can do towards emotional intimacy.
As a first time receiver it’s probably best to just relax and continue breathing deeply but it is possible, for extra stimulation, to let the receiver massage her own breasts if she wishes. It is helpful for giver and receiver to look into each other's eyes as much as possible. The receiver can tell the giver if the pressure, speed, depth, etc., needs to be increased or decreased. Limit your speaking and focus on the pleasurable sensations. It is possible that too much talking might diminish feelings in the body.
As you stroke the labia begin to lightly touch the clitoris with clockwise and counter-clockwise circles using one finger. Next, gently squeeze the clitoris between the thumb and index finger. Gently stroke along the shaft of the clitoris, from the head up toward the body, in a slow up and down motion. The receiver will begin to be very aroused but continue to encourage her to just relax and breathe.
This might be the time you want to ask for feedback from her about her clitoris sensitivity. It is typical for a majority of women to have the most sensations on the upper part of the clitoris and just to her left side. As the giver looks at the Yoni this would be to their right. Using an imaginary clock face, the area would be between twelve to three o’clock.
Once you notice that your receiver is becoming aroused (pink tissues turning darker, clitoris becoming engorged) you can either continue what you are doing for a bit longer or begin the G-spot massage. It is best to gently ask for permission to enter her sacred space before you plunge in. Move slowly and sensually. Begin by holding your middle finger of your right hand just at the entrance to the Yoni. Put a little pressure there and hold for a minute or two.
Now, slowly enter her. Make sure that you have plenty of good, organic lubricant on her Vulva and on your finger. Turn you palm up so that your finger aligns with the upper roof of her Yoni. To locate the G-spot, if you haven’t before, very slowly pull your ‘hooked’ finger (come hither motion) toward yourself (out) until you encounter the ridge-like area behind the pubic bone. The G-spot ‘area’ lies just between the smooth area and the rougher area, though if she is very aroused you will find the ridge area to be the more likely place. If you put your thumb into your mouth and feel the upper palate in your own mouth and then pull your finger out to the ridge area behind your teeth, you’ll have an idea of what to feel for here. The two areas are very similar.
The G-spot is more difficult to locate when the woman isn’t very sexually aroused. You may find, depending on the woman, that if she has a clitoral orgasm, before the G-spot massage begins, she’ll have an easier time focusing on it. The giver may also find that it is physically more apparent, too.
You can slowly and lovingly explore around the interior of her Yoni and as you do ask her what the sensations feel like. Let her give you little bits of feedback but keep the talking to a minimum so that she stays in feeling rather than mind-analysis. It will be interesting to the giver, especially if the giver is a man, to understand that there is actually very little feeling or sensation in most of the Yoni. But the specific areas where there is becomes very obvious! This is called ‘mapping’ the anatomy and is helpful for the woman to experience. When a person knows there anatomy ‘topography’ very well they can be better advocates for their own pleasure.
Back to the G-spot: while varying the depth, speed and pressure use a sweeping motion like that of a windshield wiper to cross slowly back and forth over the G-area. With your palm facing up, and the middle finger inside the Yoni, move the middle finger in a ‘come hither’ gesture. Remember to stay relaxed and without an agenda.
Things that might happen during a Tantra Yoni Massage:
- Your partner may feel as if they have to urinate
- They may feel angry or afraid of the sensations and intensity
- They may feel ‘pain’
- They may feel varying degrees of pleasure
- They might spontaneously burst into sighing or crying
- They may become the Goddess incarnate immediately
- They may begin to ejaculate
- They may ask for more or less intensity of touch
Stay with them emotionally and don’t try to ‘fix’ anything they are experiencing. If negative emotions or pain come up back off a little from the intensity of your touch, giver, and hold still for a few minutes ( with pressure on the G-spot so they feel ‘held’) until they are ready to begin again. Build back up slowly so they can integrate body and mind.
Remind them to breathe all of the time. The fuller and deeper the breath is the better they will be able to integrate the feelings that they are having. Your left hand can be softly massaging or resting or brushing their heart region or breasts. This is good for reminding your partner that you are with them in their heart and that they can stay in their heart too. It also will allow them to spread the sexual energy and sexual feelings throughout their whole body.
If everything is proceeding well you can ask your Goddess if she would like additional stimulation of her clitoris. Use your thumb, from the same hand, to massage her clitoris so that a coordinated experience is provided. If this is too much for you to take on then tell her and plan for it next time. Don’t try to do too much the first time you practice this massage. There is always another day and when you build-up more slowly she’ll actually have a better overall experience.
More advanced practice note:
This is not for the first time. Try it at a later date if your receiver is into it. Anal stimulation can be added to this massage using the same hand. It is a difficult experience for the giver but one that, if practiced, can be quite exquisite. Use your little finger and a lot of lubrication. Don’t withdraw your hand to add the lube, just relax and use your other hand to add the lubricant. If you withdraw your hand she may feel abandon. You are literally holding her in the palm of your hand. Don’t withdraw quickly and send her into reaction.
Right now, while you are reading this, hold your right hand up in the air and practice imagining your middle finger curved in a ‘hook’ toward your palm and your thumb on the clitoris. Look at your hand. The two fingers are near each other and holding a polarity between them. Right now it’s ‘space’ but when you are giving the massage these two fingers are going to be holding two of her pleasure poles. If you bring your two fingers together to touch does this remind you of anything? Does it look like a meditation mudra to you? Do both hands and close your eyes and hold them there for a few minutes. With eyes still closed, practices separating the fingers and then bringing them back together again. Each time you do this imagine an infinite amount of energy between your two fingers. This is a magical mudra and a symbol of regenerative energy. Visioning this while giving the massage will help to bring you into alignment with the energy needed to show up for the Goddess before you!
In addition to using your left hand on the heart you can use it to massage her breasts, put pressure on her pubic bone or pubic mound or use your thumb on that hand to massage her clitoris. If you introduce your left hand in any of these ways be sure to synchronize the movements with your dominant right hand. That dance or motion of both hands allows her brain to fully encompass the feelings synchronize with them.
Hold eye contact, breathe together, be gentle and focus your intention on her. If you can do this you are giving a huge gift. Just the intention and focus alone are a gift. Women need and love this and it is so rarely available for most women today. You are a gift!
‘Riding the Wave’ in Tantra means that the experience of orgasm becomes a part of a wave of energy that just keeps rising and falling and rising again. You may or may not get to this your first time. Don’t worry if you don’t this time. Remember, this is a gift of giving and opening up to new sensations and feelings and pleasure. She may orgasm and she may not but it isn’t the point right now. And practice makes perfect so you can plan this again. Becoming multi-orgasmic for a woman is learning to let go and trust that her body can produce exquisite feelings and energy that will take her into realms she didn’t dare even dream of.
There will come a time, especially if this is a first massage, when she will have had enough - for now. Make sure she knows that she can let you know when that time is. Next time will probably be longer because both of you now know what to expect and her capacity for pleasure will probably have increased because of this session.
When she is ready to be done stop your hand and hold the mudra for a moment. Very gently remove your hand just to the point of covering her Yoni and resting your hand cupped over her pubic mound for a few minutes. Hold her before you move away completely. Thank her for allowing you to be of service to the Goddess. You can cuddle, embrace or move into a spooning position for closeness. Synchronize your breathing and relax together. Share any observations or realization you had with each other. This is part of the learning.
Next time you do this you might want to encourage more open-mouthed sounds. Deep, low resonant sounds from a fully opened mouth and throat will facilitate female ejaculation and orgasm. In addition, the woman should begin Kegel exercises as these will up the ante on her capacity to orgasm and feel more pleasure.