Surveys and sexuality reports tell us that roughly only 20% of sexually active women have orgasms during intercourse. Assumptions will need to be made about that number because we don’t know if that includes manual stimulation of the clitoris during intercourse or not and several other issues that might skew the statistics. Let’s work with that number, however.
Orgasms are important to women no matter how convincing the idea of being in the pleasure without being goal oriented. Some of the time you can do this and some of the time you want an orgasm, pure and simple. Cultural constraints, modern media, lovers and friends can all influence how you might feel about your body, emotions and your ability to orgasm. You want what she’s having and you want it now. If that’s the case with you then you’re going to have to know a whole lot more about your body and how it works in order to journey to the fertile fields of G-spot and vaginal orgasms. The positions come after you have the knowledge of your interior topography down and know your hot-spots from your not-spots. Self-pleasuring is the necessary evil! Set aside the time to spend with yourself soon. An hour three days a week should do it.
Most women’s clitorises don’t come near to getting the attention that is needed to stimulate that part of the anatomy during intercourse. If any position is going to do this then it is the C.A.T. (Coital Alignment Technique) position (this is a modified Missionary position where the man is on top and he has shifted his body up a bit towards his partner’s head so that his pubic bone rubs on her clitoris in an up and down (head to toe) motion. The other is the Woman on Top where the woman is leaning down, not sitting up, and she is doing the same motions as the man does in the C.A.T. position. That is, she is moving in a head to toe, up and down rubbing motion so that her clitoris is getting stimulated. Both of these positions do not, however, involve much G-spot or deeper A-spot (a spot above the cervix, deeper in the vagina, A is for Anterior Fornex) stimulation.
The first step, in discovering your vaginal, or yoni, hot spots, is to find your G-spot and begin to arouse, investigate and find orgasms through manual or digital (finger, G-spot wand or vibrator) stimulation. You can stimulate your clitoris first as it’s important to be very turned on when investigating your G-spot. Both are very connected with one on the inside and one on the outside, kind of back-to-back. They share nerves, blood flow and vibrational energy with each other! While I personally don’t feel that G-spots like much vibration yours may be different, but I wouldn’t start with a vibrator, I’d start with fingers (yours or a partner’s) or a Lucite wand. I have an earlier blog about the analogy of the upper palate in the mouth and the G-spot location so read it if you want to here. It may help.
Ok, let’s assume you’ll find it and have a good experience with noticing the pleasure, though maybe not an orgasm, in your early sexploration. You can up-the-ante by starting to strengthen your PC muscles by doing Kegel exercises. These will help tremendously; stronger orgasms, healthier pelvic floor, more orgasms, better (no much more) awareness of your body, great sex tricks by you for your lover and a bunch more reasons if you need them. The last and best thing about strong PC muscles is that when you move into more Tantric practices you will be able to move the sexual energy up, throughout your body more easily and effectively. That’s when it all gets really juicy!
So the stage is set for take-off. Next, you’ll discover a set of positions that you can try, modify, and try again to get the best out of them. I'll give you clues and tips for having the best intercourse sex ever.
The famous anthropologist Desmond Morris wrote: “A group of 27 couples were asked to vary their sexual positions experimentally, employing postures that would allow greater stimulation of the two vaginal 'hot spots', and it was found that three-quarters of the females involved were then able to achieve regular vaginal orgasms.”
In other words, it has been confirmed that becoming more uninhibited and less self-conscious is an important ingredient in freeing orgasms and in producing multiple orgasms in women. Sexual liberation can translate to sexual ecstasy when a sense of freedom and playfulness is brought to lovemaking. Experimenting with even the most subtle of movements, or shifts of a single position, can make a huge difference in getting the right kind of stimulation.
Let’s look at the position from the Kama Sutra called the Splitting of the Bamboo. In this position the woman lies down on her back and the man straddles her as in the Missionary Position. She then raises one of her legs and places it on her lover’s shoulder. Her other leg stretches out to the couples side or she can bring it up closer to her body by bending it at the knee. After a brief time the legs are switched and then switched again creating a back and forth motion that can sweep the head of the lingam across the G-spot in a windshield wiper like fashion.
In this position the woman may discover that one side works far better for her than the other. If the couple decides to stay in that position for a while she can begin to move her buttocks and legs in small, specific ways to increase the friction and pleasure. She can lift her buttocks, shift it to one side slightly, have her lover put a small pillow under her on one side or the other, slide her leg up further on his shoulder – I think you get the picture. There are a million subtle shifts that can occur that will make a significant difference in the results!
None of this is possible, though, unless the woman knows her hot-spots intimately, which is why she must self-pleasure and discover them. Oh, and it takes a lover who is willing to explore and have fun trying new things. Rear Entry Positions are next
Sometimes it takes becoming more uninhibited to try Rear-Entry Positions. If either partner is self-conscious of their body then that is the first thing to let go of so that both can enjoy this fabulous category of positions. There isn’t a person alive who thinks they have a perfect body. Gals, most men love looking at jiggling breasts and round buttocks. They aren’t going to be critical if they know you are enjoying every minute of the pleasure the two of you are creating so go for an edge and let go into the experience and the pleasure.
If you haven’t discovered how to find your G-spot yet then that’s a good place to start to amplify the sexual ecstasy from Rear-Entry Positions. It’s best to explore your G-spot with fingers and dildos before expecting to have orgasms via intercourse. It’s a fast path to G-spot orgasms, once you’ve had a taste of orgasmic sensations with a little sex play, so hang in there. These explorations may also lead to multiple orgasms in women, or men, and possibly female ejaculation.
Without a doubt this is one of the best position groups there is. Your ‘animal’ nature can really let loose! Rear-Entry Positions aren’t always the most appropriate, though. The moment must be right. This is because it’s often more appropriate to be facing each other. Eye contact, breath connection, heart chakra connection and deepened intimacy are all facilitated through facing your partner.
Rear-entry positions enhance G-spot stimulation. In addition, they leave the man’s hands free to touch and stimulate the secondary erogenous zones along the back and buttocks and the breasts and chest, much like the tiger that uses his paws and teeth. Variety is easy to come by in this position. You can adjust the angle of penetration, the ways you move about and the depth of penetration in the basic position. This allows the woman to tailor-make the experience for herself while having a lot of room to increase the pleasure for her partner. It also enables the woman or the man to stimulate her clitoris.
Try this position first up on your knees, instead of having the woman flat, on her stomach. It’s best for her to support herself with both her hands so that she can keep her spine moving and undulating. Make a study of how it feels as this is a base to explore from. Use the different ‘modalities’ of rhythms and depths of penetration. Try pumping and squeezing your PC muscles in this position.
Now, try sitting down on your thighs. What has changed? Take notice. What works for you in this variation when you apply the different ‘modalities’ of movement to the position? Lean forward and lie your head down. This is a good position to stimulate your partner’s inner thighs. You can also help him stay focused on non-ejaculatory pleasure by applying pressure to his perineum (the external area between the anus and the scrotum that covers his Prostate Gland or P-spot). This will help him from going over the top, so to speak.
Keep these exercises soft, fun and explorative. Take your time and enjoy every delicious moment. You are becoming an artist – enjoy it!