I hold my breath and need sordid fantasies in order to come
Q: When I actually orgasm, I don't breathe at all. My question: what exercises can I do by myself to improve and then how do I transition to a partner? Is stalled breathing useful in any way, or should I abandon this habit? What should I do about the sordid downhill-spiraling fantasies? Will Tantric techniques improve these problems?
A: Here are a couple of simple breathing techniques for you alone and for you and your lover. Alone, sitting comfortably, relax your belly and begin to breathe in long, deep, and full breaths. Just drink in the breath as fully as you can and then on the exhale relax and be attentive to the entire exhale. Follow it with your attention, relaxing the entire way. After a while you will feel "charged" and relaxed. With your lover, sit or lie comfortably facing each other and focus on your own breath in the manner just described as you look into each other's eyes. This is intensely intimate and you may feel self conscious. Let the judgments and fears come and go as you breathe, don't censure. Keep relaxing. When you are making love, remember to breathe. Some people feel that retaining the breathe is useful. I do not think it helps people to get fully into their bodies and don't often recommend it. I'm not sure about these downhill fantasies. If you wish to elaborate I will address that issue. Tantric practice includes visualizations of the lover as an embodiment of the divine. Seeing your lover as a god or goddess is an upward-spiraling fantasy that can be a doorway to an honoring, reverential way of making love.
The following question is answered by Johanina Wikoff, Ph.D. also known as "Dr. Josie." She is an author, lecturer and international workshop presenter. Dr. Wikoff will answer questions submitted to email@example.com.
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