from the book:
Female Ejaculation and the Gspot
When your partner first tells you about her interest in female ejaculation, it is wise to take a back seat, keep an open mind, and see what transpires. Let her get used to the idea, and encourage her to experiment and develop her abilities on her own for a while. I recommend that women learn how to ejaculate on their own at first, because the solo exercises offered in Chapters 4, 5, and 6 offer detailed information on how to find the G-spot, how to stimulate it, and how to build and expel ejaculate fluid. Once female ejaculation is achieved in this solo manner, a woman will have more success ejaculating with a partner. But if she insists that you get involved earlier in her explorations, the following are some things you can do:
Become familiar with G-spot anatomy and how to stimulate her G-spot. (Consult the sections in Chapter 4 on finding and stimulating the G-spot (pages 81-85), and see "Surefire Techniques" later in this chapter.)
Encourage her to tell you what she likes, especially if she doesn't usually speak up.
Have a sense of humor and don't be goal-oriented; most women like ejaculation and want to ejaculate, but for them it's less a goal than part of the overall experience of making love.
All of the attempts you make, even if they don't result in ejaculation, move both of you farther along the learning curve and increase the likelihood of eventual success. Women like to include their partners in activities, and sexuality is no exception. But from a woman's perspective, men can be too enthusiastic and rush into "getting the job done." Nothing prevents ejaculation more effectively than pressure to ejaculate! Most women need time to talk about female ejaculation, to explore its twists and turns, before they actually attempt it.
As I've said throughout this book, they will have the best chances of success if their first explorations are made solo. So, for example, if she expresses interest in ejaculating, say something like, "Oh, have you ever done that before?" or "Where did you hear about that?" This may seem evasive to you, but such questions can help her figure out exactly what she wants to do. If she complains about not being able to ejaculate, or if she's wishing she could, say something like, "Oh, that sounds interesting," or "Did you hear or read something about that?" Keep asking questions for a while. When she answers, the best response is to reflect back to her what she just said. For example, if she says, "I've been hearing about it from a friend," respond by saying, "So you've got some new information. What did she tell you?"
Drawing her out further is wise, even if what she's said seems plain enough to you, because she's giving you a signal to talk, rather than a signal to act. So take time to discuss female ejaculation before you jump in and try to help out with something that she may not yet be ready to attempt. This can help you to avoid a frustrating first experience in which you both end up feeling like you've failed.
The following section sums up a lot of the information from the rest of this book. It also might be a good idea to read Chapter 4, which has more details about how a woman assesses her readiness to ejaculate and how she can learn and practice ejaculating on her own. Before you begin trying to help her ejaculate, check the following three things:
Strength of her PC muscles. An essential point: Your partner can't ejaculate if her vaginal (PC) muscles are weak. Some guys think that a woman with a loose vagina has, as one man told me, "screwed around too much," but that is not the case. A loose vagina just indicates that her PC muscles are weak from lack of exercise. Trying to get her to ejaculate will be a frustrating experience until her PC muscles are tightened and strengthened. If her vagina feels loose during intercourse, that's a sure sign that she needs to do PC exercises - have a look at Chapter 5, where these exercises are explained. Encourage her to do them, and to practice them on your love tool, too! Having stronger PC muscles not only feels great for both of you, it encourages all around vaginal health. When you both feel that her vagina is tighter when you have sex, that is a signal that she is ready, muscle-wise at least, to attempt to ejaculate.
Don't bruise the grapes! A woman who can firmly clamp down on your penis is nice, as you know, but feeling the firmness of a full and bursting G-spot against your penis is even better! Consider the G-spot a small bunch of very full and juicy grapes. But don't bruise the grapes! Make them burst instead! Your penis is their sunshine, and when the grapes are nourished, they become fully ripened orbs containing juices that will burst over you!
Her attitude toward ejaculate. Letting go is the aspect of female ejaculation that is most difficult for most women to master. If she is afraid she is going to urinate on you and that you will be upset, she will have a hard time ejaculating. Reassure her more than once: "It probably won't be urine, and if it is, I don't care."
Deep-seated sexual issues. Awakening the G-spot is an important step in a woman's sexual life, and it can bring up all kinds of emotional issues. If a woman shuts down abruptly once she begins learning to ejaculate, give her some time away from ejaculating for a while. Reassure her by saying, "It's okay if you don't ejaculate." If she continues to distance you sexually, check out Chapter 8 - there may be some deeper issues involved. Once you feel that she may be ready to attempt ejaculation, ask her if she wants your help. If she says yes, check again, asking in a caring tone: "Are you sure?" This is not a put-down; it's just a confirmation for both of you. If you are greeted with another affirmative, the next section will help you to discover where her G-spot is and how to help her ejaculate.
Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot - Surefire Techniques
Guys are usually up for sexually pleasing their honeys, and most men approach female ejaculation for the first time with an open mind. But if you are called upon to actually help a woman ejaculate, you might feel uncomfortable because you aren't sure what to do or you don't understand how female ejaculation works. So, guys, I've tried to make this as simple and direct as possible to help you out here. For more lengthy information, take a look at Chapter 2, which discusses women's anatomy in detail.
In the meantime, meet the G-Man, a cartoon character on the hunt for the G-spot, in "The Adventures of G-Man and the Gushing Caves." These are the adventures of a character known as the G-Man, friend of the ladies and a great explorer. He's just put on a rain slicker and galoshes, and set off to investigate rumors of gushing caves.
He finds a cave, walks up to it, and takes a step inside. The cave is shaped like a long tunnel. Through the darkness, he can faintly see a back wall. He looks up and sees a flattened-out rocket strapped to the cave's ceiling. Its nose cone is butted up to the entrance to the cave, and its body extends over a third or more of the cave's ceiling. He can see its tail. He walks over to the tail and pushes on its end. The rocket starts to rev up. The rocket's underbelly is interesting: It's covered in miniature ripples like corrugated sheet metal but the surface feels slick and warm. He pushes on it and notices that it gives like a firm sponge. All kinds of torque and acceleration buttons are set into the nose cone, belly, and tail. He pushes these buttons to find out what they will do, and the rocket revs up and down. After a while, he observes that pushing these buttons also makes the rocket's belly and nose grow bigger and swell, and now he has to crouch down a little.
He finds a few buttons that rev up the rocket to high speed. The rocket's surface gets hot and so slick that it starts to drip, and he starts to sweat. He notices that the rocket is starting to tilt. Looking closer, he sees it's not really tilting, but changing its shape. The tail flattens out into the roof of the cave, and the nose swells downward, almost filling the cave entrance. Getting out will be a tight squeeze. The rocket looks like it's positioning itself for launch. The nose cone and belly are loaded up, and the whole thing feels like it's about to take off and thunder out of the cave.
He sets all the buttons on max rev to see if the rocket will launch. He's not quite sure what is going to happen. The cave is starting to rumble and shake. He decides that he had better get out. The entrance is tight but it's slippery as heck, so he slides and tumbles out. Suddenly, it seems a dam just broke loose behind him. He's swept up and jostled around, pelted relentlessly with a pounding shower.
Just as suddenly as they started, things calm down. He looks around. The rocket's still on the roof of the cave, but now water is dripping out of the hole in the center of the rocket's nose. The rocket is powering down. It flattens again, shudders, and turns off. The G-Man stands there dripping, and he grins because, while that was a close call, he completed his mission and explored the gushing cave.
Stimulate The G-Spot. Now that you know where the G-spot is, here is a yellow road sign to guide you when you begin to stimulate her G-spot:
Warning!
Sensitive Area!
Proceed Slowly!
These first few techniques are not all that erotically thrilling for her or you, but they will help you understand where her pleasure points are, and help her to become aware of the sensitivity of her G-spot. They are great techniques to use when you first begin to stimulate her G-spot, and they require some preliminary stimulation, for example, using oral sex. If oral sex is not a part of your foreplay, stimulate her clitoris (lightly) with your fingers. If rapid vaginal stimulation with your fingers is your usual method, try lightly easing her vulva and clitoris with your fingers instead, then begin.
All women have a G-spot! Don't be fooled into thinking she doesn't have a G-spot, even if you try to stimulate it a few times and she doesn't feel anything. Every woman has one! If your partner says she cannot feel anything, it's best to stop trying and ask her to read and practice Chapters 4 and 5. (Chapter 4 is also a good chapter for you if you want further details on stimulation techniques.)
Come here, honey! This method is a basic way to stimulate her G-spot. After you have aroused her with some slow, teasing oral sex or foreplay, slowly slip your finger into her wet and ready vagina. Slide carefully along the upper wall (versus the bottom) of the vagina until you feel the curl of the G-spot's tail described in the G-Man story. Once you find the tail, push firmly and massage it. A variation on this massage method is a "come hither" approach, described by Robin, a friend of mine:
"I have always been aware of my G-spot, and my husband knows instinctively when to start stimulating it - once I'm truly wet! Insert your middle finger, palm up, and use a "come here" motion to rub the top wall of her vagina. She will soon become aware of the most blissful sensations!"
Play me, baby! Repeat the above method, but press firmly all around the G-spot in fractional movements, stopping to ask her what she feels as you hold your finger still in one spot. If she feels nothing, massage this area on the G-spot slowly and firmly. Note her reaction and move on to the next area. I like this description of the Play Me Baby method by Michael, a musician:
"I can feel her respond as I alter the way I touch her - the intensity, and where exactly I touch her, is like playing an instrument in a duo and listening, being sensitive to the dynamics and all the nuances being out forth by the person you're playing with."
Love in the gutter. Run your finger like a window washer across the body of the G-spot. While you are doing it, ask her how it feels. Your goal is to notice how the G-spot's body dips down on each side, creating a gutter between the body and the vaginal wall. Insert two fingers, one on each side, and rub the gutters, moving in and out slowly, a couple of times. Ask her what she feels. (You can find a fuller description of this method in the Chapter 4 section, "Find Your G-Spot.")
If she says she doesn't feel anything. If your partner has never found her G-spot or ejaculated, she may be completely unaware of its sensitivity. Believe me, if you are rubbing the upper vaginal wall as described in this section, you are rubbing her G-spot, even if she doesn't feel anything.
If your partner cannot feel G-spot sensations, assess the situation with this simple test. Using your fingers during foreplay, get a sense of the size of her prostate gland (G-spot) by feeling the upper vaginal wall, from the vaginal opening to where the bulge of the G-spot stops. Measure once when she is not aroused and a second time when she is. See if you can detect any increase in the size of her G-spot - and ask her what she feels, too!
If you notice the G-spot is larger with arousal, no worries! From here, it will be a matter of awakening the G-spot's sensitivity. Continue using all the methods described in this chapter to slowly but surely awaken her spot.
If you can't feel any increase in size, it is likely she will not ejaculate any time soon. Here are a few possible reasons for this:
- the stimulation is incorrect, or too brief,
- she is not really aroused,
- she is one of the 10 percent of women who have a very small G-spot or a G-spot located toward the back of the vagina's ceiling, or
- she has not yet awakened to the natural sensitivity of her G-spot.
Continue all methods described in this chapter in order to slowly but surely awake he spot and/or encourage her to read and practice the solo explorations described in Chapter 4.
With time, it may be possible to feel "nodules" in the body of the G-spot. A psychologist wrote to me and described what he feels as his partner's G-spot becomes aroused:
"I can feel these little "peas" through the vaginal roof, almost like a bunch of tiny water balloons that are at first empty, then fill up, and then deflate again after she ejaculates.
Expel the ejaculate manually. Once you have found her G-spot, things get a little more exciting. This next method is an advanced technique in which you will manually help her ejaculate. Once you are knowledgeable about and adept at stimulating her G-Spot, and you notice it becoming swollen and sensitive, you can "milk the pod" to achieve ejaculation. Your likelihood of success increases dramatically if you arouse her using more G-spot than clitoral stimulation.
Milk the pod. It may be possible to get your partner to ejaculate the first time, without an orgasm, by manually stimulating the prostate gland and "milking out" the ejaculate. Use the three methods described above to stimulate the G-spot, and then add some penetration stimulation (described below in the "Lovehandle Massage" and "Heads Up" sections). When her G-spot has enlarged in size and she is aroused, use your fingers and apply a "milking" motion from the tail of the G-spot down along its body. Alternate the milking motion with a gentle but firm squeezing and rolling pressing from the gutters.
Cautionary note: This level of stimulation is not recommended if your partner doesn't know what you are doing, and certainly not if she has reservations about ejaculating. She has to help you by physically pushing and/or mentally allowing the ejaculate to flow. Without this, the technique is likely to fail, causing discomfort and possibly bladder infections, because it leaves her with a lot of built-up fluid. Think blue balls!
How Much Ejaculate Can You Expect? Here is what a male friend told me about how much ejaculate may be awaiting you in the treasure of her G-spot, although smaller amounts are more likely at first and are completely normal:
"My love is able to ejaculate from several teaspoons to as much as a half a cup of liquid. The principal way that this occurs is with digital stimulation of the G-spot, or with our usual type of penetrative sex. My love has been able to ejaculate multiple times within a short period of time, probably two to four times in a minute if she is properly stimulated and in the mood."
Sound fun?
G-Spot Stimulation and Ejaculation During Lovemaking.
Use your lovehandle - your cock - to try the following G-spot-awakening maneuvers. These techniques will help you become more aware of how your penis is stimulating her G-spot to create ejaculate.
Lovehandle massage. Use the lip on the head of your penis and massage the tail end of her G-spot. Go very slowly at first, hardly moving, until you both can feel the G-spot. Slowly try to roll, rub, and massage the tail of the G-spot with your penis as you did with your fingers, in and out, side to side, and all around, in fractional movements. You can increase the speed after a few sessions, but if you go too fast she may lose the sensation. If she does, simply slow back down and proceed.
Heads up. Use the head of your penis to rub the body of her G-spot. Then try to locate the most sensitive area. For some women, this area may be barely inside the vaginal entrance. If so, gently and slowly pull out and push in. It's very exciting to use the rim of your penis to stimulate this area. Other women may like it a little farther inside the vagina, or outside the vagina and near, or on, the urethral opening. If your partner tenses up, remind her to relax and take a deep breath. Notice the difference in her response when her vagina is relaxed and when it is tense.
My friend Elaine confided to me in a delicious session of girl talk:
"I love when he goes slow and I can relax. It is like sensations directly from his penis I never felt before. It gets so intense I want to scream and bite! I've learned to breath and relax into this intense pleasure, and it builds to such a point in me that my orgasm got so intense a few times I literally saw stars. After that kind of physical release, which always seems to have a lot of ejaculate, he's my shining star, for sure!"
Once things have moved on to the point where both of you are experiencing the pleasure of a full and juicy G-spot, you will be able to enjoy the full range and intensity of exciting sexual connection! Four great sexual positions are described in the "The Best Sexual Positions for Ejaculating" section in Chapter 6. Read those now to get more ideas for having fun with the G-spot and success with ejaculation during lovemaking. Then come back and read the following descriptions of two couples enjoying female ejaculation - to keep you motivated for when your honey's G-spot goes full throttle:
John Setchell remembers his first time:
"The first time I experienced FE we were doing 69, with my partner above me. I had several fingers inside her and was stimulating her G-spot by pressing down toward my face when suddenly she gushed all over my face and chest. It was thrilling! Next evening, we spent some time paying attention to how it had occurred, and we quickly learned what we needed to do to make it happen regularly."
Nan, a butch videographer, likes to have it this way:
"Have her on top, on her knees over you, with her titties in your face and your dick or fingers in her pussy. This way it's easy to massage her G-spot, and when she comes, her hot fluid runs over your belly and chest. Super-intimate; that's why I like it - face-to-face sharing of that G-spot moment."
All these methods may not produce amazing results the first time you try them. If a huge fountain of ejaculate does occur, consider yourself fortunate. It might take many tries over a considerable period of time to get a woman to ejaculate even a small amount, because you are helping to awaken an area which in many women has shrunk or shut down from nonuse, or that has been numbed out from too much intensive thrusting. The most successful approach, therefore, is to incorporate these methods into your lovemaking, making progress bit by bit, as both of you explore. This gradual process of awakening the G-spot to create ejaculation is physically pleasurable, and each time it will feel like something new has happened sexually between the two of you. Enjoy the process!
