I’m only 17 and I repress my orgasms. Why?
Johanina Wikoff
Q: Hello. I am 17 years old and I am writing to ask why I never seem to be able to achieve an orgasm. When I pleasure myself or my boyfriend does, I will only let myself or him do it up to a certain point, and then I make myself or him stop. It feels so good, but when I describe my feelings to someone else they say that it's not an orgasm.
This is what happens: I have to work up to a certain sensation, and then I get to the point when it feels so good (my vaginal muscles start to contract) and then I force myself to stop because it feels so good. Once, however, my ex-boyfriend was playing with my clitoris and wouldn't stop when I told him to. After a while, I couldn't feel anything anymore, I blacked out, and I actually came (I only know this because he told me that I "spewed out wetness"). How do I get that again? Why can't I let myself feel all of that pleasure?
A: Sadly, we are not taught that pleasure and orgasm are natural and wondrous experiences and that, as women, our pleasure capacity is endless. We are raised with the notion that "too much of a good thing is bad or dangerous" and so we have anxiety around pleasure and stop ourselves from feeling too good. The energy that it took to clamp down your pleasure response when your boyfriend was bringing you to orgasm caused you to black out. It sounds like you couldn't contain any more pleasure at that moment; but in blacking out you relaxed and ejaculated. It sounds like you are orgasming and at the same time trying to control what is happening. When you relax with the pleasure, I'm sure you will experience the fullness of the orgasm that is trying to take you over. Try practicing deep, pelvic breathing, when you're making love and even when you're not.
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Dr.Josie
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The following question is answered by Johanina Wikoff, Ph.D. also known as "Dr. Josie." She is an author, lecturer and international workshop presenter. Dr. Wikoff will answer questions submitted to questions@tantra.com.
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