Q)
I am a 64 year old English male in the U.K. I recognize the importance of Tantric wisdom. It surprises me that when I do searches on the subject of the power of the eyes in sexual arousal I find nothing! The eyes are such powerful tools, why isn’t this subject explored more?
A)
The eyes are indeed powerful allies. Tantric philosophy sees the open eye as a metaphor for an open life and an open heart. It is said that the eyes are the seat of the soul and the gateway to the heart. The subtlety of the eyes is a vast subject that we would all do well in studying further. It is very difficult to lie when we look into each other’s eyes. We avert our eyes when we aren’t quite telling the truth or we feel uncomfortable. When we are embarrassed we tend to become shy and look away. We become coy with our eyes, inviting another in by looking and then looking away and then looking back. We can inflict pain and suffering with our eyes. We can hold another’s gaze in a kind of game to see who will look away first. If we need alone time, we avert our eyes, giving ourselves a sense of privacy. 80% of the personal energy we put out to others comes to them through our eyes.
To gain a more conscious awareness of how we use our eyes pay attention for the next few days on how you are using your eyes. Notice if you don’t meet someone’s gaze. Notice when you do and how it makes you feel. Try giving a person you are having a conversation with your full attention with very open, attentive eyes. See if they become more comfortable and relaxed with you.
To enhance our intimacy and connection with our partners, keep the lights on while you make love. The lights should be soft but bright enough for the two of you to fully see each other. Lie facing each other and simply eye gaze for five minutes. This will be difficult for many people. Stay with it. You can do this exercise sitting up, also. Practice it often. Take it into your lovemaking. See the beauty in the person you are with. Very soon you will be wondering how you ever made love without having your eyes open.
Play some eye flirting games with your partner or with someone you feel safe with. You can consciously set up a game by challenging each other to display certain emotions. Ask your partner to use their eyes to express the different qualities of the emotions associated with rapture, longing, need, coyness and devotion. Then you try. Use these expressions in your lovemaking.
Just as important as giving information with the eyes is receiving information with the eyes. Keep your eyes soft and receptive. Let your partner in. Take a deep breath and relax. Develop the capacity to soften to an even deeper level.
