A couple tackles some of the biggest misconceptions of the ancient Hindu tradition

STATEN ISLAND, N.Y. -- Perhaps you've heard of musician Sting's boast of his seven-hour love-making sessions with wife, Trudie Styler.

It was his practice of tantra and yoga that allowed him to keep going, he had said.

Or maybe you heard buzzing of tantra and many sexual positions, erotic massage or orgies.

Turns out, none of those are really true of the ancient Hindu tradition, which practices the idea that personal fulfillment, enlightenment and a connection to the divine come through life's energies, including sexual energy. It is a mystical experience its practitioners seek.

(Sting later amended his initial remarks, explaining that Trudie "is my connection to the sacred.")

While the masses have linked tantric sex to the more salacious, tantra is a discipline, a way of life. It employs meditation and uses the body as a tool, and the romantic relationship as a microcosm for reflection and awareness. In the tradition of tantra, sex is intrinsically sacred.

However, tantra is more spiritual as a practice and can be the secret of finding bliss in all areas of life, explain Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson of Yorktown, N.Y.

Through their workshops and book, "The Essence of Tantric Sexuality," the husband and wife are on a mission to squelch the myths of tantra and get interested folks on the path to empowerment. Their second book on the subject, "Tantra for Erotic Empowerment," designed for the first-time reader, is due out on March 1.

"Once people understand the concepts, they can take them on as their own," said Ms. Johnson. "You work with what gives you the greatest benefit."

Though, the purpose of tantra is not specifically for sexual fulfillment, "a sexual energy is undeniable," said Michaels. "But it's in this energy that there is potential for creativity. If we can tap into that energy, we become better."

This energy "created us all," added Ms. Johnson.

Tantra creates a path to deepen connections to yourself, your partner and a higher power. It ultimately is a way toward personal and spiritual empowerment, say the authors.

When practiced, tantra becomes "a collaboration, a joint venture wherein each partner has the intention of helping the other to realize themselves," said Michaels.

Some couples have come to see tantra as a way of therapy, but "tantra is not counseling for couples," Ms. Johnson warns.

It cannot repair a relationship. However, if it's a matter of wanting to renew and refresh the relationship, tantra can be effective, she added. Some other benefits of a tantric practice include increased pleasure, deeper intimacy and new love-making skills.

At the core of tantra is cultivating the capacity to have reverence for yourself, for your partner, for your neighbors, for the world, the authors say, noting tantra can be practiced as an individual or as a couple.

"The deepest love relationship in life is with ourselves," Ms. Johnson said. "In our culture, however, we're taught to look at ourselves as objects and not revere and honor ourselves as divine."

The couple recommends three activities to help couples, and individuals, get started on the tantra way of life.

First, start by bowing to each other and honoring the highest good within your partner. This is similar to the exchange of "namaste" in a yoga class. It is a gesture of respect and appreciation.

Next, gaze into each other's eyes (or your own eyes in the mirror) in silence. The couple recommends at least three minutes each day. Once mastered, the technique can even diffuse conflict and make talking about difficulties much easier.

"This is what couples do naturally at the beginning of a relationship when they are first falling in love," Ms. Johnson said. She and Michaels started conscientiously gazing into each others' eyes on their very first date.

Eye-gazing, she added, allows couples to start to harmonize on a deeper level and puts you in a meditative state.

The third, and perhaps most erotic, is to practice staying in a state of sexual arousal for 30 minutes. This can be done with your partner, or alone. Rather than making the goal orgasm, focus on being in the moment of arousal when lots of endorphins are released.

Lisa Ann Williamson is a features reporter with the Staten Island Advance. She may be reached at williamson@siadvance.com

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