Q. I want to create the most memorable Valentine’s Day we’ve shared in years. Can you give me some great ideas for putting the intention and attention on our Love?
A. Thank you for the energy you put into your life and partnership. The world needs more of this Attitude of Gratitude, as Oprah would say. Congratulations!
We Westerners are often at a deficit when it comes to ritual in our everyday lives. What could be more rewarding and fun than to create a simple and powerful ritual on that great love day, Valentine’s Day.
As host or hostess for this evening of giving to your partner (I’m sure you’re going to get also, so don’t worry!) you’ll want to set an intention for yourself to be guided by. That is as simple as saying to yourself, “I intend to lavish my lover with attention and love. I am doing this as a gift to let him/her know that they mean the world to me.” With that said, this could be the Cheapest Best Date You’ve Ever Had or you can go all out – it’s up to you. But, I can guarantee that it won’t really matter because your partner will be so honored by the thought of what you have done that money really won’t be a factor.
Set aside at least 2 hours for this sensual ritual. An additional hour will be needed to create the set and setting. You may want to have a light dinner a little earlier or you may incorporate it into your evening later.
You will need a few purchased items such as candles, flowers, sensual fruit like mango or papaya, small juicy oranges, kiwi and possibly chocolates and some wine or liqueur ( if you drink alcohol). Peel, slice and arrange the food on a plate. This need not be a large amount as we are tempting the senses of smell and taste - not eating to be full. Pour a small single glass of the liqueur or whatever drink you desire. The two of you can share one glass for more intimacy. Substitute a light dinner of finger foods that you can feed each other later, if you prefer. You may also wish to exchange small gifts during the ritual. This is optional, though. Just let your partner know that a surprise awaits them and that a small gift exchange would be a nice part of the ritual, so that they’ll be prepared.
Arrange the bedroom with clean sheets and pillows. Set the candles in areas of the room that appeal to you. Place one or two candles in the bathroom. Pick soft, sensual music to play – have an old favorite available and something new and erotic. If you've purchased flowers place them somewhere appealing, say, on a table next to the fruit and drink. If you have an aromatherapy diffuser you may wish to put a scent in to infuse the room. If you don’t have one, put a few drops of an essence oil on a light bulb in the room and leave the light on until the last minute. The heat from the bulb diffuses the scent very nicely. Have some massage oil near the bed as an option for later.
Light the candles. Take a sensual bath together. You may wish to float some rose petals, fresh sprigs of mint or other flower petals in the tub. Help each other to dry and dress in something light and sexy.
Lead your partner to the bed. Sit cross-legged and face each other - eyes open - and softly gaze into your lover’s eyes. Spend a few minutes with this, breathing slowly and deeply into the belly. You may want to state the intention you set earlier for the evening. Words have power and your partner will be eroticised by heartfelt words of love. This may also be the moment that you will want to exchange your gifts to each other.
Harmonize your energy by lying in the spoon position. One person lies on their side and the other partner lies behind them and embraces the person in front. Place the top hand on the heart center. Breathe slowly and deeply together for a few minutes. You may even want to undulate a little to tease and turn your partner on.
Exchange massages. Begin, without using oil, to give a light, finger tip only massage and gradually explore the subtleties of touch on different areas of the body. You may wish to use rose petals, a feather, a fur mitt or a piece of velvet to add different sensual touches. Use your imagination! Later, apply a little oil and use a firmer touch, making sure to keep it sensual. The hands giving the touch should be feeling just as exquisite as the body receiving it.
Gently, begin your lovemaking. There's no rush. Take it slow and enjoy every moment. Remember to breathe into your belly, full, slow breaths - and that orgasm is not the goal here. Fill your senses with the sight, sound and smell of your beloved.
Use the food and drink that you've prepared to open the senses. Tease a little. Ask your partner to close their eyes and let them briefly smell what you are offering first. Lightly brush the morsel across their lips allowing them to feel the smooth textures before slipping it into their mouth. Blend the foreplay with the food, the textures of touch and words of love. Take turns, back and forth, being giver and receiver.
At this point you may want to change the music you’ve selected to something a bit more energized and erotic. Begin to move into the more passionate, heated action of lovemaking, if you haven’t already! You may want to have studied up on a new position to try out with your lover. Remember to try something that will suit them and that will not be too much of a stretch, so to speak. Study the Kama Sutra, or better yet, have the gift you give them be a “Pillow Book” or a picture version of the Kama Sutra. Books were used by lovers of the past to ad erotic flavor and as guidebooks for new positions. Feel free to add anything your heart desires to your evening. Be creative, courageous and adventurous.
When your evening is finished, voice any appreciation to your partner that you may be feeling. Let them know how precious this time has been to you.
Happy Valentines to you!