Your Resource for Tantra, Tantric Sex and The Kama Sutra

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Can we measure the health of a relationship by our sexual connection? Intimate relationships have evolved through several phases in the past one hundred years. At the turn of the twentieth century, it was still common for marriages to be arranged for practical rather than romantic reasons. Marriage was an economic and social necessity for a woman who had no marketable skills, as well as for a man who worked the land or one who lived by the social conventions of the time, which dictated that he needed a wife to manage his home and family. A new phase in relationships evolved as Hollywood began projecting romantic images of love and marriage onto the consciousness of the country. Romance became a priority in people's committed relationships. Next, the awakening of feminist consciousness brought with it a desire for equality in the home, in the workplace - and in bed. The Victorian attitude that a woman was sexually fragile and did not truly enjoy sex was replaced by women and men's knowledge of women's capacity for pleasure; and that for her, sexual pleasure takes time to cultivate. Women and men have begun to understand that a woman's first orgasm is often the beginning stage of an orgasmic plateau that can continue for long periods and include many kinds and intensities of orgasm. The experience of deeply fulfilled states of sensual aliveness gives men and women a new respect for sensuality and gender, which are important facets of the current phase in relationships--one where consciousness is central. Recently, another development has been taking place. People have become aware of a yearning for an intimacy previously known and written about by artists and mystics: the ideal love of the Troubadour tradition, the spiritual love of the twelfth century Persian poets, Rumi, Hafez and Kabir, and the esoteric erotic/spiritual traditions of Tantra. People are looking to marriage and committed relationships to experience what they once went to church to know. Our sexual connection or lack of it can be a reflection of our deep yearning for soulful connectedness. Many people speak of longing for a soulmate--a partner with whom we are intimately connected, as if this blissful state is a given and requires little effort. In truth, the seas of relatedness can be turbulent, a fact to which our current high rate of divorce bears witness. Relationships evolve in ways that are often mysterious and unfathomable. Many of the new marital therapies approach relationship as an opportunity for growth, awakening to the deep yearnings of our soul. However, for a relationship to become a vehicle for achieving this level of intimacy, we must necessarily become vulnerable. Our sexual connection does not always correspond directly with such vulnerability, and in fact, the opposite is sometimes true. I've known couples that have considered their overall relationship to be strong and healthy and yet for a number of reasons, sex is no longer an important part of their lives. Still, if we are looking for optimal health and wellbeing in relationship, most of us feel that a fulfilling sexual connection is vital. Many people define a good sexual relationship as having sex often, with an orgasm each time. But being focused on orgasm can become an obstacle to a healthy sexual relationship. In fact, emphasizing frequent sex or orgasm as a way to maintain intimacy at the expense of honest communication can actually contribute to a growing lack of intimacy, as it may also be a way of avoiding the more problematic aspects of a relationship. As a result, such a relationship can become stale and lifeless. ...