from the book: The Lowdown on Going Down
by Marcy Michaels

Remember that the secret to oral sex is sign language. Techniques are important, but knowing when and where to use them is doubly so.

If a man and woman are going to participate in oral sex, the idea that the man should perform on the woman first is not some residual act of chivalry. It is purely pragmatic. Women are capable of enjoying the sex act and multiple orgasms for lengthy periods of time. A man typically takes time to rejuvenate after one single orgasm, and sadly, even rejuvenated, it can be difficult to muster the verve of the first go-round. For this reason, the overall quality of sex goes up when the woman can experience multiple orgasms through oral sex first, and then the man can climb his own summit to exhaustion.

When you're ready to go down, make sure you take your fingers or sex toys out of the vagina for a few minutes if you've been fooling around. Take a moment for kisses and deep-dish necking like you just got home from WWII and give the nether regions some time to re-sensitize. (And on your way down, skip the whole blanket-over-your-head move. This seems sexy in movies, but will just make you overheat.)

A great way to heighten sensation before oral sex is to lightly and slowly run your fingers up the thigh area, then give gentle kisses around (but not quite touching) the genitals, perhaps running your fingers through or lightly pulling on the pubic hair. Before you dig in, switch to the other leg and perform the same inward trajectory, activating the nerves all around the genital area until you are lightly kissing and caressing the genitals themselves. This circling of the prey builds expectation and excitement. Once you begin caressing and kissing the genitals, remember that harder is not always better, and while a little saliva is an absolute prerequisite, sometimes less is more. (Too much saliva can actually dull sensation.)

When your partner begins to respond to these light touches--which can include blowing, licking, kissing, caressing, and even a little tickling--that is the green light for more speed and intensity. These are not necessarily most effective when delivered immediately. Being on the lookout for your partner's signs and signals doesn't mean you should be a sexual sycophant. Part of making oral sex more fun and less linear is the use of teasing, provocation, withholding, and whatever else you can think of to drive your partner nuts. If she responds to this by moaning, twisting, or playfully kicking you, her desire is skyrocketing. If she looks at you like a broken vending machine that just took her quarter, then it's time to give it up and dish it out.

However, even if playful withholding doesn't work for everyone, the linear, standard modus operandi is a universal turnoff. If you are being playful and spontaneous, your partner will feel it. If you are go-ing through the motions and not really applying your creativity, your partner will feel that too. The number one ground rule for oral sex, then, is to enjoy it. Play around enough to find out what your lover likes (and doesn't like!).

You can start from above or below--whatever you do, just avoid diving right in. From below tends to make a racier mood, while from above is more traditional and romantic. If you start from the top, kiss her neck, her breasts, and her stomach, slowly working your way down her torso. The breasts remain a major pit stop on the road to oral love. As desire heats up, you can continue caressing the breasts with your hands, but keep moving your lips in the direction of the vulva. Kissing the breasts can get things rather offtrack, which might be fun, but may also erode the patience you'll need for oral sex.

As you work your way down, spreading kisses, tongue tickles, and little gentle bites, use your hands to stroke your way past the hips and to the inner thigh and knee area. Stroke and caress her legs, then start moving back in. Keep the kissing, caressing, and nibbling on high until you reach the very edge of the vagina. Kiss your way up and down one thigh, and then, just before you dive in, skip to the other inner thigh and start working your way out again.

Circling the vagina is key: it will heighten her sensations and get her fully aroused before you actually take the plunge. Do this a few times, but not more than three or four. When you're ready to go to it, get right up next to the vagina in the little cranny between the outside of the vagina and the thigh. Nibble her up. Brush your lips through the pubic hair (a soft, light sensation for her) and repeat on the other side. Light little bites are especially pleasurable in this area. On most women the skin here is sensitive enough to react strongly to the lightest touch, but not sensitive enough to feel pain.

At this point, she should be teased to the brink of a hissy fit wondering when you're going to finally make your move. Once she starts moaning, kicking you like a jockey riding a slowpoke, or trying to pull you closer to her, c'est I'heure. She's prêt a manger.

A great way to start is by taking the entire outer lips into your mouth in a big sucking, tugging kiss, or giving a wide-tongued, generous lick up the inside of each labia majora. These large, broad licks prepare the region to be stimulated, so spread the love. After you've prepped these lucky lips, skip right to the labia minora, which are much more sensitive. You can ask her to spread her lips for you, or you can spread them yourself.

from the book:
The Lowdown on Going Down
by Marcy Michaels