My wife is no longer interested in sex, what to do?
Johanina Wikoff
Q: My wife's pleasure in sex seems to be limited to making sure I'm satisfied. We have a friendly relationship and she is obliging and frank, but I don't think she wants me that way. This wasn't always the case. Twenty years ago we'd get so lost in sex that we'd forget to go to work. I'm fifty. She's forty-seven. We have one pleasant, responsible seventeen-year-old son. We're both fit and healthy, and B's wondering if she's pre-menopausal. Our life as responsible adults has been kind of frantic. I'd say the problem began with the responsibility of raising a hands-on kid, but he's quite independent now. Just to get the obvious out of the way, I'm attentive and share the housework. I'm gentle, easy to look at, and bathe, brush and floss. Work is hard for both of us and fifteen or so years ago my wife had a bicycle accident and required stitches in her vagina. Her family is nuts, but B. suffered from distance, not abuse (and her response to the distance made her more beautiful and virtuous). How can I get her to want me?
A: Low or diminished sexual desire is an issue for many long term couples. Assuming that the bicycle accident has not left your wife a problem that causes painful intercourse and her hormones are not wreaking havoc on her desire for sex, my suggestion would be to look to your relationship for the answer to why sex has become obligatory. Having good sex in the beginning of a relationship when the chemicals of attraction are coursing through us and we are discovering a new and wondrous human being who sees us as god's gift, is easy. Science tells us those chemicals begin to wane in about two years and we are left with our relationship struggles often taking a toll on desire levels.
|
Dr.Josie
|
The following question is answered by Johanina Wikoff, Ph.D. also known as "Dr. Josie." She is an author, lecturer and international workshop presenter. Dr. Wikoff will answer questions submitted to questions@tantra.com.
Ask A Question
|
