A: This is a very common question. First I ask my people with this problem if they can remember what was happening in their life when this first occurred. Was there anything that happened sexually that made you feel inadequate? If something traumatic happened and it wasn't healed it may be causing the re-occurrence. Look and see what you can remember and then forgive and release it . Perhaps do a reporting session to release the trauma from your body. Are there sexual techniques that she could do when you go soft? Are you getting enough zinc and vitamins? How is your testosterone level, especially if you're older? Meanwhile, do your PC (the muscles that stop the flow of urine) and anal contractions to strengthen your internal muscles. Learn to ask her for help once you've explored some of these suggestions. Good luck!