Four Pathways to Divine Ecstasy

Adapted from The Return of Desire—The new book that focuses on what women want—body, mind, heart, and spirit.

How many of us ever get to be a sex goddess? Not just a flirty sex kitten—but a juicy 21st century powerhouse of sensuality, light, and hope.

More than you might think. Almost half the respondents to my national survey on integrating sexuality and spirituality say that at moments of sexual ecstasy they connected with what I call the "Oh God!" experience, beyond orgasm, even beyond the body, yet still filled with exquisite physical sensation. "Our lovemaking was off the charts," relates one woman. "I felt as if I became Isis herself—Goddess of a Thousand Names—Supreme Lover—Initiator into the Sexual Mysteries." You can become Isis, too, or any goddess of your choice—no matter what your age (the survey respondents ranged from 18 to 86).

Light Your Spark—Four Paths to Divine Ecstasy

In Tantric practice you make love with body, mind, heart, and spirit—to raise physical pleasure to the highest possible octave of soul connection. In the best of times, you also make love as deities, to honor the goddess and god within yourself. This is when you may find yourself literally making love with the universe—and transforming your life here on earth.

The capacity for divine ecstasy begins long before you get into the bedroom and lasts long beyond. It’s not something you can count or measure. It’s a journey of awareness that can take your whole life long. Thousands of survey respondents indicate that this sexual journey is complex—and different for each one of us. Imagine that you could explore your story on a kind of medicine wheel of sexual desire and experience. I call this the ISIS Wheel—(“ISIS” is the acronym for my survey: "Integrating Sexuality and Spirituality.")

The ISIS Wheel looks simple—and on the surface it is. Yet your journey through each of its paths can have a profound effect on you—I detail the journeys of many women in my books The Heart and Soul of Sex and The Return of Desire..

Much of your sexual experience may take place at the perimeter of the ISIS Wheel—a hug or kiss, or some casual eye contact when you’re not in the mood to be fully present with your sexual energy. But sometimes your sexual path plunges directly into the center—a vibrant terrain of physical sensation, emotional engagement, mental clarity, and spiritual connection and meaning.

Each person’s experience is unique. Only you can fully describe the feelings and meanings of your divine sexual landscape. Many women say they can’t find adequate words—not surprising because our language of sexual desire and pleasure has been so focused on performance aspects—how many times do you "do it" per week/ month/ year.

If you want to be a goddess, maybe it’s best to let go of words—and even some of the sexual techniques you may have learned, as well.

Start by simply being aware of your breathing—and let your breath take you to a time when you experienced sexual ecstasy—or pleasure, or orgasm—or any delicious experience, whether it was overtly sexual or not.

Breathe into this deliciousness, and notice how your body responds. Does your jaw relax? Does tension drain from your shoulders and pelvis? Does your heart feel lighter?

Noticing what’s happening in your body is the beginning of Goddess consciousness. Now explore the other paths of the ISIS Wheel. Let your heart swell with love. Let your mind open to the luminosity of the heavens. Let music of the spheres pour through your spirit. One woman speaks of "times in which the body/spirit sings." Another says she was flooded with fragrance that took her to “the botanical gardens of heaven.” Another describes an orgasmic memory of caressing her own naked body one lazy summer afternoon:

The sun beat down on my skin, birds sang, wind shook the
trees, and fluffy clouds carried away worries, cares, and concerns
as I came with the power greater than self . . . I literally became God
(she has so many titles these days).

As you allow yourself to embrace your sensual, sexual Goddess self, your whole energy field will grow more expansive, more vibrant. Brain researchers can actually measure these changes. These heightened vibrations change you, and if you’re in a relationship they can change your intimacy level, too. When you expand in this way, your energy field stimulates your partner’s energy to expand and brighten—to meet yours.

You may be able to sense the subtle exchanges between you and your partner—"as if my life battery is charging," says one woman. You may feel them in your heart, as a surge of love and desire for total connection. You may feel them pulsing in your lips or breasts or genitals, or a streaming sensation up and down your spine, or a melting of your pelvis and uterus—the varieties are endless.

Now it’s time to name yourself as the Goddess. To quote Anandamayi Ma, the legendary bliss-filled mother, it’s time to "tie the kite of your mind to the string of the Divine Name"—and let it go!

I love the chant "Sacred Pleasure" by songwriter and performer Shawna Carol. It’s from her CD Goddess Chants—and I often play it in my workshops.

I am the Goddess. I am the Mother.
All acts of love and pleasure are my ritual.

Naming yourself this way over and over can activate both your sexual energy and your spiritual power. As you fill yourself up with this mantra, luxuriate in its chi and prana—there’s plenty to go around. This is the fountain of sexual desire and wholeness. In this place you are the queen. You are the goddess. You are the mother. You are sufficient. May all acts of love and pleasure be your ritual.