A: Many people learn to use fantasy to orgasm. Often fantasizing begins during masturbation with a favorite fantasy and continues into partnered sex. While there is nothing whatsoever inherently wrong with making fantasy a part of a rich sex life. The problem is that it can come between you and the experience you are having with your lover. Orgasm is an experience of letting go - of surrendering to the pleasure and the profound intimacy of sexual connection. When there are things on your mind, it is impossible to be as present as you need to be to have orgasmic sex. Get the things that are in the way out of the way. Talk to your lover about what you are feeling. And then practice open-eyed love making, a daring and intimate practice that surpasses even fantasy.