How can I convince my partner to have others join us?
Jwala
Q: I have been going out with my current partner for six months. Sex with her is great, but I would like another couple to join us. She says no, but I think she wants to but is too shy to tell me. How can I make her feel at ease?
A: If you two want to have this experience, you need to first have an in-depth conversation about your intention and concerns. I would recommend that you let her call the shots if she really wants this experience but is too shy. That means she chooses the couple and the arrangements. Specific agreements, boundaries, code words and safety are important when exploring new territory. I found that when I explored with another woman and my partner, I needed to be in charge and even then emotional triggers came up. Being honest and communicating as you go along is so important. Some people call it "checking in" with statements like "How are you feeling honey? Can I get you anything? Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable?" If she decides to do this, it's important to continually honor her and ask her if she feels safe.
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Jawala
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The following question is answered by Jawala. She has taught Tantra for over 21 years. She has been a primary teacher of such well known Tantra teachers as Charles Muir and Lori Grace. Jwala will answer questions submitted to questions@tantra.com.
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