from the book: Red Hot Sex the Kama Sutra Way
by Richard Emerson

Men and women have a different mental approach to sex. A woman's self-image and feelings about her partner greatly affect how easily she gets aroused. Couples are most highly sexually charged early on in a relationship. Romance and emotional, rapport play a major part in a woman's sexual feelings, in fact, love can be the strongest aphrodisiac of all and may keep her libido strong for as tong as she feels good about the relationship and is enjoying regular, loving sex. For men, however, having a new partner - and a new body to explore - is the main stimulus. The way his new lover looks and feels, how she dresses, her unique scent [natural, rather than bottled] and her voice are powerful stimulants. To continue to be aroused by a partner, a man may need variety in lovemaking, such as change of positions, sexy clothing or sex toys [see pages41, 109-10]. Plenty of ideas for spicing up sex can be found throughout the book.

In women, sexual, arousal varies according to the time of the day or day of the month. Women may find their libido strongest around the mid-point in their menstrual cycle, at the time of ovulation, or just before or after menstruation. Other factors that affect a couple’s desire for lovemaking include age, illness, overwork, stress and emotional difficulties, such as trying for a baby. Many of these problems can be overcome through communication, simply by talking over the issues and perhaps by adapting lovemaking. For example, a sensual massage {see pages/46-9] can ease tension and

stress, and prepare partners for lovemaking. Side-by-side positions [see pages 84-5] are less strenuous and encourage tender, loving, more emotionally enriching sex. The woman-on-top position [see pages 82-3] adds spice to a sexual relationship, and shares the physical demands of lovemaking. The psychologist David Reed identified four psychological, stages of sexual response: seduction, sensation, surrender and reflection. These form a kind of erotic mental pathway. 'Seduction' is the sexual attraction that triggers arousal. 'Sensation' is the stage at which the senses - sight, sound, smell, touch and taste - are stimulated during arousal, bombarding the brain with sexual, signals. "Surrender" is mental and emotional, release, allowing climax to occur. In the postorgasm 'reflection' stage, couples evaluate the lovemaking that took place, mentally awarding positive marks, which help strengthen the relationship, or negative marks, which may weaken it. Emotions such as stress, fear or anger block this pathway. Just before climaxing, men enter a stage of 'ejaculatory inevitability' when orgasm cannot be prevented. But a woman can be distracted by a sound, word or thought right up to the moment of climax and may then Iose interest in lovemaking.