Are there specific Tantric exercises during pregnancy and post-partum?
Q: I grew up with very negative attitudes toward sex and it took five years of marriage to open up to my sexual potential and really enjoy sex with my husband. We recently (in the past year) discovered some books on Tantric philosophy and techniques and began experimenting, with amazing results. After about four months, I found out that I was pregnant (with our third child) and although we are very happy about this, our sexual exploration came to a sudden halt because of my complete lack of sexual desire, on a hormonal level. I know that sex is not everything, but I feel that our relationship is suffering a loss. I have not read anything about Tantric practice related to pregnancy/lactation and hormone fluctuations. Do you have any advice to deal with the guilt I am feeling over not pleasing my husband and the fear of us growing apart while my body diverts its energy to childbearing and nurturing rather than lovemaking?
I highly recommend the love swing. In it you can really relax and just receive. Remember, intimacy and closeness can be created without enthusiasm or strong sexual desire. It will just be more subtle. We all need touch, even you at this time in your life. Offer to exchange massages. This may help you take the next step to feeling a bit more erotic. As your pregnancy continues and your lungs get more cramped for space, remember to belly breathe rather than high chest breathe. This will ground you and bring you more fully into your body.
Also, interest is something that you can choose and cultivate. Choose from your heart, from your love for your husband, and keep making sensual contact motivated by that love, even when your libido is low. Just because you are having this miraculous experience within your body and having a deep connection with this spirit child does not mean that you can't also focus some energy towards pleasuring your husband, keeping him included instead of (potentially) rejected and neglected. Choose it!
One more suggestion: talk with happily married mothers/wives until you can find one who creatively included and satisfied her husband during pregnancy and nursing.
The following question is answered by Johanina Wikoff, Ph.D. also known as "Dr. Josie." She is an author, lecturer and international workshop presenter. Dr. Wikoff will answer questions submitted to firstname.lastname@example.org.
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